They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
