i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
