Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
