i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
