My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
