And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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