Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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