I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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