You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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