Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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