Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
