Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
