so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
