This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
