Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
