I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
