my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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