evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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