We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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