cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
