she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
