My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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