your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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