I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
