Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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