i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
