Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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