if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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