Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
