what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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