I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
