Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
