there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
