Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
