Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
