oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Randomize
