I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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