I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
