His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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