He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
