Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
