2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who died my cat blue again?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
