Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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