wanna go halves on a baby?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
