actually, I'm a sock model
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
