The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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