i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
