the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
