Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
