You really coming over, don't trick.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
