i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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