Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I cut my penus on the lid.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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