New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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