I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
