remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
