im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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